A look back -- one year later
I've been meaning to write this entry for more than a week now.
It's been quite a year. In one year (+ one week) I've gone from a size 26 on the bottom and a tight 3X on the top to a size 8/10 on the bottom and a M/L on the top. I've lost almost 110 lbs., and gone from a BMI of 41.4 to 24.2. I made my WW goal weight yesterday, and am now officially a "healthy" weight for the first time in my adult life.
It's been a year of accomplishments, and a year of losses (and not just good ones). In January, we lost our doggy baby, our St. Bernard, Oliver. In February, my grandfather, age 90, passed on. But I know he got to see me after I had lost a good bit of weight, and, dammit, I looked good attending his funeral. He would've been proud. As much as I miss him, I'm mostly just glad he was here until I was 32 years old, so that my memories of him are so clear.
I've gone from someone who didn't really know her own size (and was fatter than I thought, or wanted to let myself think) to someone who doesn't really know her own size (and is thinner than I think, at least according to those around me). I've gone from barely being able to walk around the block to jogging up to 40 minutes at a stretch. I've gone from someone who hated just about all vegetables to someone who actually craves the asparagus roasting in the kitchen more than the treats I'm baking for a party tomorrow.
But, all the changes haven't been positive ones. I'm more selfish, materialistic, and appearance-conscious. I've gone from someone who was totally dedicated to her family and her job, and put herself last, to someone who very selfishly puts herself first -- for the benefit of both myself, and my family, at least in the long run. If the job gets in the way of the gym, the gym usually wins. It takes me longer to get things done at work now, but I enjoy my work more. I've also gone from someone who rarely thought about a person's weight (my own or anyone else's) to someone who notices it constantly. I've also become somewhat obsessed with stylish clothes, shoes, jewelry, etc. My clothes budget (even though the clothes are cheaper now) has actually gone up, not down. I'm more materialistic now. I feel like I'm worth it.
Shopping in the misses section and feeling "normal" for the first time in my adult life is amazing. I can't believe I'm wearing a size 8 right now. And I can't believe I can fit both of my legs into one leg of my old "fat" jeans.
It's been a year of victories, both large and small. Hearing the cheers from everyone around me, both in "real life" and virtually, on the WW 100+ board, has been the most important element in my success. I couldn't have done it without you. (And now I have to keep doing it, too, because I can't let myself fail in front of you!)
Other small victories include a two year old daughter, who, god willing, will never remember her mommy fat. I showed her my "before" pic the other day, and asked her if that was mommy. She looked uncertainly at it, and then said, "No... that's mommy!" and pointed at my latest progress pic. I'm setting a better example for my family, and my husband has jumped on the WW wagon as well and has lost 53 lbs. to date. It's so terrific to hear a boss at work ask another colleague (one who's only known me a few months) if Tracy is still looking good (my boss hadn't seen me recently) and hear the colleage respond in a somewhat puzzled voice, "Sure, she's looking great!"
It's terrific to be in control of what I'm eating. Weight Watchers has taught me a lot about myself, both physically and mentally. I'm a comfort eater. When I feel upset, or stressed, or tired, I want to eat. Now that I've realized that, I can usually overcome it. It's also taught me I need to watch my blood sugar levels and keep things in balance. That means keeping the sweets to a minimum, even if I have the points for them. I've learned how exercise can affect not only your weight, but your mood as well.
I've learned great substitutes for the unhealthy foods I used to eat. I love Fat Free Pringles, and I'm fairly sure I'm keeping the Pringles company in business (I actually keep two cans of Pringles at all times -- my house Pringles and my car Pringles, that travel with me to restaurants, etc.) Ballpark FF hot dogs, baked french fries, California Pizza Kitchen thin pizzas, and WW ice cream cones are among my other favorites.
I looked back through my journal (and I can't overstate the importance of journaling EVERY SINGLE DAY -- in more than a year, I only didn't journal a week's worth of days, and those were conscious decisions and the days around my grandfather's funeral) and the difference astounds me.
My first day tracking on plan reads as follows:
May 3, 2004
Breakfast:
2 slices white bread (2)
1 tsp margarine (1)
1/8 medium honeydew melon (1)
2 slices cooked bacon (3)
Lunch
1 item Chick-fil-A Chicken Sandwich (9)
1/3 small serving Chick-fil-A Waffle Potato Fries (2)
Dinner
2 servings beef stroganoff with noodles (31.5)
1/2 cup yellow corn (1)
Total: 50.5 points (and I was trying to do well)
And yesterday's journal:
Chicken (2)
roasted garlic (1)
croutons (2)
pecans/bacon (2)
Salad greens (0)
Tomatoes (0)
Cucumber (0)
Dressing (.5)
1 mini almond biscotti (1)
Chicken breast (8)
Asparagus (1)
Bread (4)
Olive oil (2)
Total: 23.5
What a difference, huh?
Anyway, the point of this long ramble (and if you're still reading, wow, I admire your persistence!) is that I never would have thought this year could have meant so much to me. Thank you Weight Watchers! And a big thank you to my friend and neighbor who got me started last year -- without that gentle nudge in the right direction, I wouldn't be here today.
posted by Solitaire @ 5/06/2005 08:06:00 PM
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